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Emily Faerber
09 February 2010 @ 04:01 pm
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I'm feeling homesick today. I want to go back to a place I never wanted to be in the first place, because I miss the familiarity of it. I haven't wandered around town much, though I did go out yesterday and got lost.

I can't mope around too much though. The cats need more food. I need to make myself food. I need to unpack my clothes.

In other news, Kai is now sick with what I had. I felt guilty about getting him sick, and he gave me a good talking to about how ridiculous that was. Still though . . . I had wanted to be sick so that I would have an excuse to feel miserable, and this is the result of that folly. It's shameful.

Oy. Leaning against walls hurts my back. Too many tight muscles.
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Emily Faerber
05 February 2010 @ 01:41 pm
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I'm not going to lie, moving with a fever is a miserable thing. It feels really good to be out of that apartment though. Extremely good.

Never had roommates before. Should be interesting.

I'm down to a normal body temperature today, though my throat is still sore. I should probably see if I can eat something, since I'm hungry enough. I can't decide if I should shower first though.

Hmm.
 
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Emily Faerber
04 February 2010 @ 10:55 am
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Sick as a dog. My body temperature shot up to 102F yesterday, and it's been maintaining itself over 100 since then. Kai told me to have some real food today, but eating is so unappealing. No appetite whatsoever. I just want to mope around drinking liquids and feeling miserable.

I'm probably going to move today. I hope so anyway, since I packed up my clothes last night. I think that it's an Aquarian trait to talk for a long time about doing something, then suddenly leap into action without warning.

Anyway, at the very least I should take some garlic. If I can't eat, then the next step is the natural medicine. Kai swears by garlic, so we'll see.
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Emily Faerber
31 January 2010 @ 11:37 am
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I self-identified as Pagan. Occasionally I would throw in the word 'eclectic' when I wanted to get descriptive, but I preferred to remain vague on the matter. It was probably the counter-swing of my Christian upbringing.

I used to have a strong connection with angels. They were always with me, and I could receive definite replies to every question I asked. A couple of months ago that changed; everything went silent. No angels, demons, spirit guides, anything. If I were to base my spiritual beliefs solely on what I feel right now, I would be a fairly hardcore atheist. I can't sense anything at all.

Those beliefs served a purpose and got me pretty far, but I have the feeling that from now on they'll only be a distraction that holds me back. I've evolved once again, and even though it's incredibly hard to say goodbye to this particular side of me, I don't have much choice. It's time to fully rewrite my identity.

Drastic changes are always so hard to get through.
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Emily Faerber
29 January 2010 @ 08:33 pm
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"The butterfly never meets its mother. It must survive independently and remains a stranger to affection. An animal nurtured by mother's milk, however, is dependent on another for its basic survival. A child who grows up in a cold and detached home environment is similar to the butterfly, in that kindness is sparing. Once an adult, it will be very difficult for that person to show compassion."

~ Jessica Hawley
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Emily Faerber
24 January 2010 @ 07:13 pm
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My cat Leviathan is locked in a battle for dominance with Kai, and his cute little kitty brain seems to think that he has a chance at winning. Lately Leviathan has taken to stealing Kai's seat the moment he stands up, and Kai simply picks him up and spin-throws him when he gets back. I've seen that cat turn around three or four times in the air.

So anyway, earlier today I was sitting on the floor next to Kai watching him surf the 'net while I sipped my juice, when Leviathan jumped up and tried to settle in behind Kai on the chair. And suddenly WHAM! I was hit by a flying cat. I jumped and yelped, and spilled juice down my front. My immediate reaction was to burst into tears, and my secondary reaction was embarrassment over my first. Because really, how childish is that?

Several minutes after I composed myself I told Kai about my silliness, and he solemnly told me that I should go to him whenever I was upset, no matter the reason.

And that was when my brain exploded.

You see, I had built up my entire identity around being alone, and I am literally struggling to understand what it means to have someone to rely on. It's quite a lot to handle.
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Emily Faerber
19 January 2010 @ 03:10 pm
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I am currently suffering from caffeine withdrawals. My number one symptom seems to be fatigue, with distress on the side. No headaches, thank God. But still, so tired.

I'm pretty sure that sadism played a part in Kai's decision to have me quit cold turkey, and I told him that I was going to be more or less useless for a few days from this. It's not even the fatigue in and of itself that's bothering me the most, it's the fact that it's preventing me from getting anything done. My apartment is a mess and it's driving me crazy! I want so badly to clean it but the idea of moving is just too awful.

Whine. Bitch. Moan.

When I start to annoy myself with my angst, I know that it's time to stop. I'll let you know when I start thinking worthwhile thoughts again.

I'm so tempted to go out and sneak a cup of coffee or a bottle of soda, just so I can get this trash heap organized.

I don't even know when the creativity is going to happen again.
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