I try not to complain about the cashiers because I started out as one. I don't even like to say "I was never that bad," because I possibly was but just didn't realize it. But today I got to chuckle as my managers chewed out the cashiers for trying to get me to do their work. Not. Their. Bitch.

Bedtime now, but tomorrow I'll write about The Secret.

My cellphone has run its course. I've had it for three years now, thus making it practically archaic. I remember when I first opened the package and pulled it out. I instantly fell in love with the color. My dad had presented the options to me when we first ordered it, and on a whim I said "pink."  It's the prettiest shade of pearl pink that I have ever seen in my life.

But technology doesn't last forever, and mine doesn't even give me ten minutes of talk time. So today, I ordered a new phone.

I decided to go with the SCP  2700. I'm not sure about a QWERTY keyboard on a cellphone, but those little flowers are too cute to pass up. I don't know when it will arrive, but I'll probably take pictures when it does. I have an odd habit of taking pictures of my cellphone.

I went to work this morning, even though HL is closed on Sundays. Long story short, my manager told me that my hours were cut down the most with the schedule crunch during the first week this month, and so to make it up he offered to let me work copious amounts of overtime. Hence why I spent six hours hanging up ornaments today. You know why I'm awesome? Because I'm not only willing to go home five hours early, but I'm also willing to come in on my day off and work extra, without complaining about any of it. Oh yeah, and I'm the best at my job. Srsly.

Meditation time now, then bed.

I am a liar. A dreadful one, but a liar nonetheless.

My coworker asked me if I went to a single's ward, and I replied that I don't go to church at all. She inquired why, and that's where I got dodgy. I didn't particularly want to get into a deep discussion about all of the reasons why I quit attending church in the first place, and I also didn't want to come out as the apostate that I am. God's minions are willing to go to great lengths to harass dissenters back into submission. So I played the lazy, young single adult card and said that I like to sleep in.

LIES!

Sleeping in is the most dreadful thing in the world. I only do it when I don't have the strength to get up and face the world. Or when I was up really late the night before, but without Natalie around I don't experience the wee hours of the morning anymore.

Speaking of which, it's bedtime.

I worked 11 hours yesterday, so understandably I decided to simply watch a movie then go to bed last night. I'm going to come very close to working overtime this week, which has me tickled because last week they were cutting back hours. Now I don't feel so bad about buying so much ice cream anymore.

Yesterday morning I felt like crap. You know, that burning in the bowels that slowly moves downward towards an ending that you just know isn't going to go over very well. Yeah. The culprit was a Subway sandwich that I had eaten the night before. The same Subway sandwich I ate the second half to last night, because God be damned if I'm not going to finish the food that I bought. So I had indigestion this morning too. But it was worth it.

The cat needs his 15 minutes of playtime. He's crying for it and making me feel like a bad mother.

I'm apparently now to the point where I can't properly see the floor without my glasses on, as evidenced by the fact that I vacuumed up my earring. I saw it before I ran over it, and wondered what that blurry silver thing was. When it hit me what I had done, I stopped, opened the vacuum up, and began sifting through dirt and cat hair to find it.

The moral of the story is: Don't do chores without the proper eye gear.

On the same note, I've been thinking about getting contacts. I know, I totally rock the sexy librarian look, and my own fetish for glasses is still raging. But I'm starting to get tired of my spectacles. They seem to always be dirty, which is a sign that it's time to try something different. Since my eyes have slowly gotten worse, I'm in need of a new prescription anyhow.

Besides, I can always switch in between whenever the mood strikes me.

I dreamed that I went to Heaven last night. It was a mansion with white walls and banisters. There were plants and decorative statues filling each room, like an indoor garden. Sitting in a chair with a book in his hand and a cat on his lap was Jesus, his appearance reminiscent of the popular paintings so it was easy for me to recognize him. I greeted him, and he told me that the place was my retreat and sanctuary. A realm just for me. So I found a tree, and sat down to meditate.

I was watching them light fireworks in my grandma's backyard, when I was filled with the longing to be home snuggling with my cat. I wondered if I should stay till a more appropriate time to leave in order to make a formal goodbye, but I realized that I shouldn't make myself unhappy by forcing myself to stay. I got up and left. No explanations, no excuses. I wanted to leave, so I did. And it felt like the first time I've ever put myself ahead of proverbial expectations like that.

Today was ecstatically fun. My uncle taught me how to swing a golf club, and while we were on the driving range I found a sense of peace. It was almost meditative, once I got a feel for the positioning and didn't have to concentrate so much on keeping my knees bent. I can understand the appeal of the game now.

There were delicious salads and apple pie, and enough activities to keep me busy for the entire day. I showed off my arm muscles and complained about my neighbor Trompsy. I shared some of my philosophies. I was part of the party, and It. Felt. Good. Then to top it off, I went to the city fireworks show and watched it while sharing a blanket with my nephew.

Walking back to my grandma's, my mind was reeling with all sorts of thoughts, and then the natural answer hit me. Blank slate. I'm not moving on from my past and starting over, but rather I'm erasing my future. For a long time now I've been making plans and building ideas of what's going to happen in the future, based on the assumption that I know myself and what I want. The future had become a small obsession for me, and I wanted it laid out step by step for me to follow. That doesn't matter anymore.The future doesn't exist and it never will, so there's no point in trying to write it. There's no use in pretending that I know what's going to come.

You know, something weird happened when I turned twenty. Life has been nothing but a roller coaster of change since then.